How I Became Confident in Who I am as a Mom

How have I learned who I am as a mom?

This has taken some work for me. I am naturally a people pleaser. I naturally want everybody to like me. (Don’t we all? Most of us, anyway.) In my teens and early twenties, so even before I was a mom, I struggled with this.

I struggled with kind of turning into a chameleon when there were strong people around me that had either a really strong opinion or did things a certain way. I would kind of duck under that and try to be like them, or try to make them think I was like them or something like that. 

The Lord did a huge work in my life, even before I got married, of just really healing the inside of me, with some deep inner healing, some beautiful counseling that I had.  Really just showing me that I was valuable the way I was, and that God created me the way He did with a purpose. And that he LIKED me. 

To add to this healing, I had the most wonderful dad in the world, and my dad was so good at speaking to me and telling me, “You are doing a good job. You are great. Just keep being you.” He would tell me that so often, even after I was married, even just a few years ago. He would tell me, “keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a good job. Keep being you.” I'm so thankful that I had that in my life.

I know that's not the case for everybody. Not everybody has somebody speaking to you saying, “I like you the way you are—keep being you.” But now you do, because I'm  telling you that right now. 

My friends, the way that you are and the way that you feel God is calling you to mother your kids is great. You are doing the work. You are the perfect mom for your kids. We talked last time about listening to the Lord and being able to hear God's voice. And I would so encourage you if this is an area that you struggle with. Like, “I don't know who I am as a mom, everybody around me has all these cool things that they do, or they are this certain way, and I should be more like that…” If you have those kinds of thoughts like “I should, I wish” all of those things, I just want you to lay those down. You don't need them. What you need to do is hear from Jesus how you're supposed to be. And that changes it all. That changed it all for me.

As I became a mom, there was a bit of working out that I had to do. So I hear from the Lord consistently that he loves me, that he is proud of who I am and the way that I do things. And I'm constantly seeking Him. I'm constantly wanting to be, to do things the best way I can. 

That's our heart and desire as moms. We're always trying to grow. Trying to learn, hoping that our kids are going to turn out right, because of what we do. (But guess what? That's not even our job. Our job is to follow God and to train and disciple our children so that they can follow God too. But the end result is ultimately up to the Lord.)

That's a side trail. We'll talk about that more, another time. But to answer this question, how did I figure out who I am? I had to stop comparing myself to other people. I even had to stop comparing myself to my own mom. My mom is great. She's a totally different person than I am. She has a completely different personality.

If you've heard some of our episodes together, you probably can pick that up. We are so different. We even parent differently. You would think that maybe I would be just like her because I was raised by her. Well, guess what? I'm not, and that's okay. And I've had to learn that as long as I'm following Jesus with my whole heart and being connected with my husband and we're working together on our family, it’s okay if I'm not doing everything exactly like my mom did. I have come to a place now, 13 years into being a mom, where I'm okay with that and I can go, “Yeah, great. This is how we're doing things.” And I'm not being stubborn. I'm not being reactionary. I'm genuinely following what the Lord is telling me to do.

I'm genuinely just being the type of mom that I am. I'm not the same as you. You're not the same as I am. We're all different. God gave each of us the children that he gave us for a reason, and God gave each of our children the mothers that he gave them for a reason. So, how do you find out who you are as a mom? Stop comparing yourself to others, and learn as much as you can from people that you admire.

I have friends in real life that I see mothering their kids, and I'm like, “How do you do that? How do you have a really good attitude with your kid all the time? Like I've been in your life. I know that you have this skill. Where did that come from?” And I can learn from my friends.

I can learn from people in my real life. I can learn from people that I see from afar as well, but it's harder with people that you're seeing from afar or people that you're watching on Instagram, because you don't know their whole story. I'm trying to be as absolutely transparent and honest with you as I can on this podcast, but still you only see a little bit of my life.

So don't compare yourself to me. Don't compare yourself to other people on Instagram, or whatever platform you're on. Don't compare yourself to real life friends. Don't compare yourself to your own mom, just let the comparison go. 

Hear from God who you are, what your value is, and what you bring to the world that God wants to put into your kids. And then you can rest confidently in the knowledge that you are in the right place and that you're doing the right thing. 

Ladies, I bless you today with joy.

I bless you with the fruit that comes from having the holy spirit dwelling inside of you and empowering you and enlightening you to catch the glimpses. Beautiful joy that is in your life, in your blessing, mundane life already. I bless you to hear from the Lord, your identity, your calling, your mission as a mother.

I bless you with peace and may the God of peace feel you. With all peace with all joy and with all wisdom in Jesus' name.

This post is a transcription of part of an episode of the Rejoicing in Motherhood podcast. To hear more, click here.